Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
