he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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