Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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