Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
