I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
soo... how was my night?
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