sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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