I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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