hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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