you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize