Plan B is the new Plan A
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
