It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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