just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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