I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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