I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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