She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
