I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
