Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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