There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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