My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize