My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
