I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Congratulations! We have a period
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
