Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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