Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
