I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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