but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize