She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
