You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
