My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
