i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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