You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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