the day after is always just damage control
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
