Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
