i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
