whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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