so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
