you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
