I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
