I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
