Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
