Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
