i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
