what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
