he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
