You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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