Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
