i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
