Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
