dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
