Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
