Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
