I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
