You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize