White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
