i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
