that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
