I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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