Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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