My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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