three words: i give head
three words: not that well
worst night to have a conscience
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
