I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
