Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
