I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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