I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
