so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
