Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
