Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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