did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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