Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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