he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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