I hate all girls vehemently.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
two words: eviction party
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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