the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
