I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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