idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
